KamaSutronics

The Plow/Probe

(also known as the Probe Plus.)

This was the first fucking machine I bought.  I was delighted.

I’d made a fuckzall previously, and the women I’d tried it with had responded… well, better than I could have hoped.  There were loud, extreme, extravagant orgasms, knocking furniture over in other states.

So it was only a matter of time before I upgraded.  I chose to buy the eXtreme Plow, a dark and gleaming thing from Orgasm Alley.

I didn’t know that the technology was just minutes away from being out of date.

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The publishing industry has fallen behind.

There are amazing things taking place, almost daily — breakthroughs in sexual technology, deepening understandings of female sexual response, and it hardly ever gets reflected in print.  What does wind up in print is usually lurid representations of the bizarre, with commentary that says, essentially, “look what those crraaaaazy pervos are doing now!”

Timothy Archibald’s Sex Machines: Photographs and Interviews takes an interesting approach.  It represents a nuanced, sometimes haunting, American landscape.

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The ShockSpot

Author’s note: This was a review of an earlier model, so a lot of information is out of date in reference to the newer models.  Some more recent observations are available here.

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The ShockSpot is compact, sturdy, and shiny. It’s made from top-notch 80/20 materials. It’s programmable, positionable, and visually impressive.  If the ShockSpot had been brilliantly designed, it would be a bargain — even at $2,200.

But what is it that we actually want from a fucking machine, anyway?  This is the kind of question that sex toy designers really need to ask.

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Feeling the music.

It’s called “synesthesia” when your senses blend together.  You can taste music, or feel a smell, or hear a color.  These are beautiful strange moments.  A song might glow like a bright white light with darker green edges; a lover’s touch could become a deep note held for a long time.

That’s synesthesia.

For a while now I’ve been working on a music system.  I call it the Synestheatre.  The idea is simple: I want to play music for a woman so that she hears it and sees it and feels it, all through her body.  Lie on your back, close your eyes, and let the music play you.

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Me holding my Fuckzall, November 2005. I look so much better with short hair.

This project is time-consuming but Easy.

I have four fucking machines.  One of them is a HugHer, the most inspired piece of sexual technology in the world.  Two of them are homemade — a fuckzall and a drilldo.  The fourth is a Probe Plus by Sartan.  The Probe Plus thrusts up to 250 times a minute, with a stroke that varies up to five inches.  It’s powered by a motor with 1/8th horsepower and 20 inch-pounds of thrust behind it.  Despite the impressive specs of the Probe Plus, girls seem to like my homemade fuckzall just as much.

Here’s what you need to make yourself a fuckzall.  You won’t need any mechanical aptitude or knowledge of electronics.

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